


I’ll Be Here

by Ionaonie



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e13 Le Morte D'Arthur, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ionaonie/pseuds/Ionaonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin goes and sees Arthur once he and Gaius return from Isle of the Blessed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’ll Be Here

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by lantean_drift. With some fact checking by Lavvyan.

Arthur looked up as his door opened and was more relieved than he would admit – even to himself – that it was Merlin.

‘Where have you been?’ he snapped, smothering the urge to wince at the harshness of his own voice. He didn’t take worrying all that well. He particularly didn’t take well to worrying about someone that, according to all the rules and social conventions, he should hardly notice. Merlin, though, seemed to take it in his stride. Probably because he was used to Arthur snapping at him on a daily basis.

‘Sire?’ Merlin had this uncanny ability of making it sound as if Arthur was constantly being unreasonable. Even if he just wanted to know where his manservant and...friend...had been. He refused to listen to the little voice in the back of his head (the reasonable part that sounded annoyingly like Merlin) telling him that he was hurt by Merlin not staying with him and wanted to know what Merlin found more important than him nearly dying.

‘No-one could find you,’ Arthur accused. And that had worried him. More than that, it had scared him. He wasn’t used to fearing for people. Fear of failure he could identify with; fear of responsibility even, to a certain degree; fear of the man he could one day become, yes, perhaps even that, but fear for someone else’s well-being? A deep aching fear for someone else’s life – for Merlin’s life? That was new. And terrifying in itself.

When Merlin had come to see him he had still been weak from the sickness and woozy from the medicines Gaius had given him. He had been puzzled by Merlin’s behaviour, but he hadn’t realised just how strange it had been until nobody could find him. Then, just how strange it had been had all come flooding back to him; how Merlin had been trying to stop himself from fidgeting; the somewhat tortured expression that had crossed his features occasionally; the feeling that Arthur had got that Merlin was trying to tell him something important, but Arthur was just a little too medicated to get it.

He had wanted to ride out and track down Merlin immediately. His father had forbid it, naturally, but Arthur had ignored him. In the end, though, he’d been defeated by his own frailty. He had managed to get half way to the stables when his legs buckled. He hadn’t fallen – Prince’s don’t fall – but he had had to admit that if he couldn’t make it to the stables then he wouldn’t be much help to Merlin.

So, instead, he’d been sitting where Merlin had left him, worrying about his friend. He had convinced himself that he was never going to see Merlin ever again; that his friend was – for some inexplicable reason – going off to die. He had been about to go and demand that his father send out parties to look for Merlin when Merlin himself had walked into his room.

‘I’m sorry.’ Merlin looked and sounded sincere. He looked as though he wanted to say more but he didn’t. Instead he walked further into the room, rubbing the back of his neck.

‘Where were you?’ Arthur repeated.

Merlin glanced away. ‘I...I was with Gaius.’

Arthur raised an eyebrow.

‘Right, right, that doesn’t really answer your question. We were, uh, off looking for more labilium plant.’ Merlin nodded, almost as if he were trying to convince himself more than Arthur.

‘Labilium?’

Merlin nodded some more. ‘Yeah.’

‘Isn’t that what Gaius gave me to save me?’

A look Arthur couldn’t decipher crossed Merlin’s face. For a moment he looked so heartbroken and desolate that Arthur wanted nothing more than to chase those feelings away. The only problem being that he didn’t know what was making Merlin feel that way or how he could help.

‘Uh, yeah, it was,’ Merlin said softly. ‘We used up all Gaius had with that first potion. We wanted to make sure there was more in case you relapsed.’

‘Why did you have to go?’ He had been getting better and had wanted Merlin’s familiar face around, not some other competent, but completely anonymous servant.

‘Because I knew where it was. I found it the first time.’

Arthur looked at him sharply and Merlin squirmed a bit under his gaze. ‘You found the labilium?’ This was news to him. He hadn’t known Merlin had been instrumental in his recovery.

‘I...I suppose so, yeah.’

‘Then I owe you as much thanks as I do Gaius.’

Merlin shook his head. ‘No you don’t. Not at all.’

‘I never said I was going to thank you, Merlin.’ He allowed a slight smile to play across his lips so that Merlin would know Arthur was teasing him.

Merlin rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn’t say anything.

‘I remember Gaius sitting with me, and Gwen,’ Arthur said slowly, making sure he didn’t look at Merlin. ‘I even remember my father coming and seeing me. I don’t remember you being there.’ He tried, but he didn’t think he’s managed to keep all the hurt out of his voice. He had wanted Merlin there. The only time he had even a vague memory of feeling soothed was when Merlin had been holding his head for Gaius to give him the potion that had saved him. He had been stroking Arthur’s hair and whispering nonsense to him.

Merlin was leaning against the table, his arms shoved in his pockets. He was staring at a spot in front of Arthur’s feet. ‘I couldn’t just sit there with everyone else and watch you die. I just...couldn’t. I had to do something, no matter how hopeless.’ He glanced up quickly to look at Arthur, but dropped his eyes just as quickly. ‘I, uh, I made Gaius look through his books and tell me of a possible cure. He didn’t think it would work, but I had to try.’

Arthur nodded, tiredly. He knew what Merlin meant. He remembered watching Merlin drink a poison that had been meant for him; shocked that, despite everything, Merlin would, without question, knowingly give up his life for Arthur. Arthur had never experienced that kind of loyalty, and it had been that more than anything that had made him go and retrieve the cure. If that had happened now, when he considered himself and Merlin to be fast friends – best friends, if he was going to go all sentimental about it – he didn’t know what he would have done. Actually, he did. He’d sit on a windy shore and knowingly drink what he thought was a poison just so Merlin didn’t have to. He could well imagine how Merlin would have felt watching him die. In some ways he and Merlin were very similar, he realised; they would prefer do be doing something, anything to save the other, instead of sitting around, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

‘And, you know, it was so soon after you had to drink that fake poison to save Camelot. I just...I had to do something.’

‘It’s okay, Merlin,’ he said gently. ‘I understand.’

Merlin looked at him with tormented eyes, and Arthur made sure he held Merlin’s gaze until he understood everything Arthur couldn’t say, but wished he could. ‘I suppose you do, don’t you?’ he finally said.

Arthur nodded, glad that Merlin could read him so well and he didn’t need to talk about his feelings, or anything like that. Normally he’d be worried that Merlin would read further into what he was trying to say – never mind that he would be right – but Merlin needed the comfort so Arthur ignored his own uneasy feelings.

After a moment he spoke again. ‘So, did you find any?’

‘Any what?’

Arthur rolled his eyes. ‘Labilium, you idiot.’

‘Oh, that.’ Merlin shook his head. ‘We couldn’t find any, but it’s quite rare and not easy to find, or so Gaius tells me. So don’t you go getting bitten by any more rampaging Questing Beasts, okay?’

Arthur laughed. ‘I promise. It wasn’t all that fun for me, either.’ He signalled for a drink and Merlin fumbled as he poured him a goblet of watered down wine. He managed to not spill any, so Arthur counted that as an improvement. ‘So, if you were going herb hunting with Gaius, what was with that strange speech you gave?’

‘S...strange speech?’ stammered Merlin.

‘Yes, Merlin. The speech you gave me where it sounded like you were going off to die and were saying good bye, without actually saying good bye.’

‘Oh, that speech,’ said Merlin faintly.

‘Yes. That one,’ agreed Arthur.

‘I, uh...I only came to tell you that I was g...going with Gaius. I must have been more tired than I thought and just said even more nonsense than usual. You know me, always babbling.’

Arthur narrowed his eyes and looked at Merlin. He waited for a few seconds because usually Merlin would break and stammer out something entirely more plausible. This time, though, he remained determinedly silent. But Arthur knew there was something more going on. He had felt it on and off for the last six months. It was always dancing out of his reach, but he knew Merlin was involved in some way. He just didn’t know which questions were the right ones to ask to find out what he needed to know. He would have to exercise some princely patience (something he wasn’t usually good at – well, never good at, in all honesty) and wait for Merlin to trust him.

‘Fine,’ he sighed. ‘If you say so. I just want to make something very clear, Merlin. And it’s non-negotiable.’

Merlin regarded him warily. ‘What?’

‘If you do ever feel the need to run off and die heroically, I expressly forbid it. Is that understood?’

‘What if it’s necessary?’ asked Merlin quietly.

Arthur honestly could not think of a single situation where Merlin’s death would be an acceptable loss. ‘If you think it’s that important, you talk to me. Explain it to me, make me understand.’ Arthur was aware that what he was doing could be considered begging, but in this moment he really didn’t care. He’d already nearly lost Merlin more times than was acceptable, he really would prefer it didn’t happen again and he was prepared to do whatever was necessary to keep him safe.

There was a cheeky smile hovering over Merlin’s lips. ‘And then you’d let me go off and die?’

Arthur rolled his eyes. ‘Doubtful, but I’d help you.’

‘What if it was you I was trying to save?’

‘Then you should definitely tell me,’ he said sharply. There was no way he was going to allow Merlin to sacrifice himself for Arthur. ‘Together we can look at other options; things that, alone, you may neglect to consider.’

‘Maybe.’ He didn’t sound very convinced though, and Arthur couldn’t allow that.

Arthur sighed. ‘I’m not stupid, Merlin. I know there are secrets you keep from me. I just hope that one day you trust me enough to tell me them.’ He frowned and glared at his wine glass. ‘Bloody hell. I think Gaius is slipping things in my drink again.’ Otherwise he would never have said anything that revealing.

Merlin smiled. ‘I don’t think he has been. You’re just tired. You still look exhausted.’

‘I hardly think you’re one to criticise. You look dreadful.’

‘Thank you, sire,’ said Merlin dryly.

‘When did you get back?’

‘About half an hour ago,’ replied Merlin.

Arthur resisted the urge to smack his forehead. ‘Why didn’t you go straight to bed, you idiot?’

‘I thought you might need some help getting ready for bed. What with the bandage and everything.’

At that moment his shoulder twinged, helpfully reminding Arthur that while he was no longer dying, he still wasn’t entirely recovered. Instead of admitting his discomfort, he stood up and walked over to his bed, raising an eyebrow as he passed Merlin. ‘Well?’

Merlin rolled his eyes but did push himself off the table and made his way over to Arthur. ‘I’m going to take that as; I would love the help, Merlin. Thank you so much, Merlin. It’s so kind of you to come and see if I needed any help before falling into your own bed.’ He pulled Arthur’s shirt off as he spoke, being very careful with his shoulder. He was gentler than Arthur had expected and Merlin’s careful touches made him shiver slightly.

‘Shut up, Merlin,’ he growled half-heartedly as Merlin helped him into his bed clothes. Usually Arthur did that by himself, as Merlin’s hands all over him like that might, one day, push him past his vast limits of endurance. However, having limited mobility in his shoulder meant he had to accept the help.

Merlin’s answering smile suggested that Merlin knew that that was exactly what Arthur meant, but without all the sarcasm.

Arthur was pathetically grateful to be able to sink back into his mattress and pillows. He groaned quietly as the tension began to leave his body. He hated being wounded. He didn’t really have the patience for it.

He opened his eyes, unaware that he had closed them, to find Merlin looking down at him, a fond smile on his face.

He took the time to study Merlin and realised that he didn’t just look dreadful – he looked exhausted. He looked, now that Arthur was taking the time to really pay attention, as if he was about to keel over.

‘Merlin, sit down before you fall down,’ he ordered.

Merlin blinked a couple of times before glancing around the room, almost helplessly. He was evidently even more tired than Arthur thought, if he couldn’t work out where to sit.

Arthur sighed and shuffled along in his bed. ‘Here, Merlin. Sit here. And do hurry up before you collapse. I don’t want to have to catch you.’

‘On your bed? Really?’

Arthur resisted growling in frustration. Just. ‘Merlin!’ He made it an order: the kind that made Arthur’s knights quake with fear, but only made Merlin roll his eyes, smirk indulgently and obey Arthur’s command almost as an afterthought.

It was a sign of how tired Merlin was that he collapsed on to the bed with absolutely no protest. He wavered slightly and Arthur snatched out a hand to stop him going off the edge. He pulled at Merlin until he was leaning back against the pillows.

‘I should go back to my room,’ he mumbled.

‘The state you’re in, all you’ll succeed in doing is tripping over your own feet and falling down the stairs.’ He bumped Merlin’s shoulder. ‘The very least you can do after disappearing for three days is not force me to have to break in another servant.’

‘Have you ever had a servant that met your high and exacting standards?’ asked Merlin, his words slurring a little.

Arthur thought about it for a moment. ‘You know, now you mention it, I don’t think I ever had a satisfactory servant.’

‘Yeah, that doesn’t even surprise me a little bit.’

Merlin’s head dropped onto Arthur’s shoulder – his bad shoulder – of its own volition and Arthur couldn’t quite bring himself to throw Merlin off. His head wasn’t that heavy and the pain was tolerable once he got used to it. Plus, Arthur would probably end up hurting himself with any sudden movements. He shifted slightly so that he could move slowly down the bed, pulling an unresisting Merlin with him. As they settled he slowly eased his bad arm under Merlin and pulled him closer to him.

Merlin curled into Arthur, pushing his head further into Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur hissed at the pain the movement caused and naturally this roused Merlin from his near sleep.

‘Sorry, sorry, I didn’t meant to-’ He tried to sit up and pull away from Arthur but he didn’t get very far as Arthur kept his arm firmly around him and Merlin obviously didn’t want to jar his arm anymore.

‘Lie back down, Merlin,’ he ordered softly.

‘I should go, your shoulder is still sore.’

‘Do you want to go?’ He held his breath, knowing what he wanted to hear.

Merlin didn’t answer for a while and Arthur was positive that Merlin had fallen asleep, which would at least mean Merlin wouldn’t be leaving.

‘No, I don’t want to go,’ he finally whispered.

‘Then go to sleep, you idiot,’ Arthur whispered into his hair.

Merlin brought his hand up and rested it on Arthur’s chest, just under his heart. Merlin’s breathing evened out and Arthur managed to stay awake for a couple more minutes before sleep claimed him too.


End file.
